


Glitter

by Laika_the_wife, Tuii



Series: Reflections [7]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exposition, Finally Some Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Other, Team Eskild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:30:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_wife, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: “Can we please do this some other time?” Isak asked as he dragged himself to the kitchen. “I’m in a real bad place right now and I don’t want you to get contaminated.” It was the best word he could think of to describe himself now. Contaminating.Eskild rolled his eyes and placed two mugs of coffee on the table.“I’ve already ruined my night for this. So sit down. Now.”





	Glitter

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Tuii's wife Laika.
> 
> Okay sooo it's still kinda dark BUT there is light too! Finally!

Isak woke up when the apartment door opened. The laptop was still running the video, he had put it on repeat, watched it over and over again until everything went dark.

“Tom?” Isak called.

“Tom’s at the hospital. It’s me.” It was Eskild. Fuck. Isak slammed the laptop’s lid down. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Isak wrapped a blanket around himself just in time. Eskild appeared at the bedroom door. He looked sad and worried and hurt. And..glittery. His shirt was sparkling with sequins and his eyes surrounded with glitter, in a variety of colours. He looked like a fairy rather literally.

“What the fuck, Isak?” Eskild asked. He didn’t yell, or blame him, he just asked. He wanted to know. He really wanted to know.

Isak didn’t know what to answer.

“I..I think I’m going insane?”

Eskild huffed.

“I think you should stop lying.”

Isak stared at Eskild. He didn’t know what to say. Eskild couldn’t know of all his lies, there was absolutely no way. Some of them, maybe.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sick of seeing you hurt like this and bottling it all up. You’re not ‘going insane’, you’ve woven a web and gotten tangled into it. It’s time to come clean. I’m making coffee while you get dressed.”

Eskild left and Isak sat up. Slowly. He was so fucking scared. His life was in pieces and it was all his own fault. He hadn’t been strong enough for Even and now he hadn’t been good enough for Tom.

“I can’t hear you getting dressed, Isak.”

Isak groaned. He knew Eskild wouldn’t leave him alone. So he reached for his clothes and pulled them on. Tom’s words echoed in his ears. It’s all about you, all about you, about you.

“Can we please do this some other time?” Isak asked as he dragged himself to the kitchen. “I’m in a real bad place right now and I don’t want you to get contaminated.” It was the best word he could think of to describe himself now. Contaminating.

Eskild rolled his eyes and placed two mugs of coffee on the table.

“I’ve already ruined my night for this. So sit down. Now.”

Isak obeyed. He knew better than to protest anymore. Eskild sat on the other side, facing him.

“I will not lose another friend because of your bullshit, Isak.”

“What?” Isak stared at Eskild. He had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

“I’m talking about Tom. If you keep treating him like shit he will leave you and I am not willing to lose him like I lost Even.”

Apparently Eskild noticed that Isak wasn’t getting it, since he continued.

“Not a peep after the big break-up, Isak. Not fucking one. I don’t know what you did to him but he doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore. See for yourself.”

Eskild got his phone out and opened his messages, for Even. He pushed the phone on the table to Isak, who had to force himself to look at it.

 

EVEN

Fuck, I just heard. R u ok?

 

EVEN:

Hey, it’s me again. Just checking in. U ok?

 

EVEN:

I won’t tell him if u don’t

 

EVEN:

We’re worried about u

 

EVEN:

We don’t hate u we just want 2 know ur ok

 

EVEN:

OMG SO DRUNK DO U HAVE BOOZE I WANT 2 COME UP

 

EVEN:

R U HOOOOOOME

 

EVEN:

I C U HAVE ALIGHT ON

 

EVEN:

NVM FOUND A RIDE KISSES XOXO

 

EVEN:

He has a new lover. Thought u should know. - E

 

EVEN:

Happy birthday - E

 

The messages ran for months. Even had read them but never replied, and as Isak realized why his guts turned into cold stone.

“I keep my friends”, he whispered.

“What the fuck?”

“When I left. I told him I keep my friends. I didn’t..I was so mad, I didn’t want to run into him ever again and..I didn’t know he’d..” Isak’s head was spinning. Eskild stared at him, fucking pissed.

“YOUR FRIENDS ARE HIS ONLY FUCKING FRIENDS.”

“What?” Isak peeped. “What about --”

“When you two attached at the hip he faded a hundred times too many. Are you telling me you didn’t know?”

Isak shook his head, horrified. He just didn’t want to run into Even. He couldn’t have taken it.

“I didn’t know. I always thought - hoped - that Even went to his friends when he disappeared.”

A flake of glitter had fallen off Eskild’s face and landed on the table. Isak fixed his eyes on it. It was hexagonal and emerald green. 

“Well he didn’t and -- wait, what? Disappeared?”

Isak nodded. The glitter on the table sparkled and shone like a star.

“Sometimes he went missing for days. Drinking, clubbing, fucking, I don’t know. Most of the times he didn’t remember where he had been or with who. I just assumed it was with his friends.”

“Why the fuck am I hearing about this now for the first time?”

Eskild tried to catch Isak’s eyes but he kept them at the glitter. If he looked up he’d be too ashamed to say anything.

“It was too embarrassing. I couldn’t keep my man happy. Plus it didn’t feel fair, you know? He was sick. It was his business, not mine.”

Eskild sighed.

“I don’t know where to start telling you how wrong you are.”

Isak shrugged.

“It started to feel normal after a while. It was my life. Our life. Between the episodes it was fucking perfect and I  _ loved _ him. It took me months to finally leave him.”

“Months? One night you were together, the next you moved to Mahdi’s couch.”

Isak shook his head. The glitter on the table lost the sharpness of its edges for a second.

“It was complicated. And shitty. And horrible. When Even quit his meds and therapy completely I just couldn’t stay invested anymore. I had to stay to take care of him, of course, I really really tried to, but it was..I can’t even say half the shit he pulled, it’s not fair to him. It wasn’t him.”

“Hold on”, Eskild said, still trying in vain to make Isak look at him. “How long was this going on?”

“I don’t know. Six months? Longer? It’s all just one fucking blob of black now. I’m a fucking blob of black. It’s like you said, Even loved me with all he had and it wasn’t enough.”

Eskild was very, very silent for a while.

“Fuck, Isak. I didn’t..I mean..that’s it. You’re telling me  _ everything _ .”

For a second Isak really wanted to. He wanted to puke out all the black and sick inside him, to liberate himself from it. But then he remembered that Tom was at the hospital because he fucking BIT him.

“I have a therapist.”

“Obviously they’re pretty shitty at their job. Almost as shitty as I am at being your friend. Fuck, Isak! You should’ve told me. About Even too, we could’ve helped him..”

Isak laughed. It was a dry, empty laugh.

“How do I tell people that my partner sells blowjobs in public bathrooms for rent money he spent on pointless shit he thought would make him rich? How do I tell them that I went with him to be his fucking pimp?” He laughed again, shaking his head. “How the fuck do you tell people that your life has been reduced to something so fucking pathetic that you don’t even have a life anymore, how you’ve been feeling so bad for so long that the only way to escape is pain, because that’s what you deserve and that’s what gives you fucking five seconds of peace.”

Isak’s hands were shaking. He wrapped them around the mug and was happy to find it still too hot to touch. He squeezed harder.

“You were absolutely right to warn me about Tom. I’m going to break him just the same as I broke Even.”

“Stop”, Eskild said. “You did not break Even.”

“When he met me he was doing okay. Mild episode here and there. He was going to be a director or producer or some other movie shit. Then I came along and now he’s a fucking cam whore.”

“Even’s not a cam whore.”

Isak laughed. This time it wasn’t empty or hollow laughter, it was something screeching and desperate.

“I have a session with him like five times a week. He tells me to beat myself or fuck myself with a ten inch dildo and that’s the only time I feel fucking alive anymore.”

Eskild didn’t say anything. For a long long time. Isak felt the mug burn his palms and listened to the sound of his breathing as the air got dragged into his black lungs. Breath by breath he was polluting the air in the kitchen, and very soon it’d contaminate Eskild as well. He should’ve tried to stop it from happening but he couldn’t.

“Are you having an affair with Even? Is that what you’re saying?”

Isak shook his head.

“Even doesn’t know it’s me. He doesn’t know I know he’s a camboy. I gave him to Tom for our anniversary and --”

“Wait, so Tom knows about Even?”

“No!” Isak snapped. He finally looked up, at Eskild. “It was a coincidence. Tom knows  _ nothing _ . It stays that way, do you fucking understand?”

Eskild licked his lips slowly, to swallow his initial words.

“Show me. Show me Even.”

“No!”

“Show him to me or I’ll tell Tom who he is.”

Horror sat down on Isak’s chest. It was heavy and cold and ruthless.

“I can’t”, Isak whimpered. “He’s the most popular, he doesn’t have..you must book him in advance.”

“Show me where you found him, then.”

Isak got his phone. He brought up the site and showed it to Eskild.

“Even is the one who does anything.”

Eskild took the phone and browsed for a minute.

“Isak. You don’t have a credit card.”

“Guess who we have to thank for that?”

Eskild shook his head.

“No, I mean. How did you pay this site? Five times a week is a shitload of money, even from a cheap shitsite like this one.”

Isak hadn’t ever looked at the prices. Not once. It hadn’t occurred to him. He’d just entered Tom’s credit card number in a frantic trance when he had booked his first session and.

“How much?” Isak whispered.

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Since our six month anniversary. June.”

Eskild sighed.

“Isak, you’d have maxed out any credit card that’s not platinum or gold by now. Tom knows. Or if he doesn’t know he’s about to find out.”

“Tom..knows?” Isak couldn’t fucking breathe. He was so tired of not being able to breathe, it was what people learned  _ first _ and he couldn’t do even that.

Eskild nodded. He put the phone down.

“You have to talk to him. With him. As soon as he gets home, okay? Tell him everything.”

“I can’t! He’ll leave me!”

“Then he will. He will leave you and you will come to live with me until we get you back on your feet.”

The weight on Isak’s chest finally crushed his thorax. His ribs shattered and punctured his lungs and all the black shit inside him started bleeding out in gushes, in waves. As he howled at the top of his lungs into the dark, without making a sound, he felt Eskild’s arms wrap around him. The sequins sparkled. Bits of glitter rained down on Isak. They shone like distant stars.


End file.
